Beware The Fog

Only the alertness and agility of youth saved me from seriously injuring someone this morning. It was not my agility or alertness, but the quick reflexes of the young man I nearly ran over in a crosswalk on the drive to work.

Morning has never been my best time. I have always moved slowly into the day, gaining consciousness and alertness as the day goes on. I am generally at my best in the evening, not the morning. I was always able to counteract this a bit, by drinking a big glass of green tea every morning before setting off. The troublesome interactions with caffeine that the treatment drugs seem to induce now require me to have only a small cup of tea in the morning lest I get extremely irritable and erratic in my actions.

The progression of alterations in behavior is a gradual process and as the person on the inside, it can be very difficult to notice. I clearly have not been noticing that my attention is more easily distracted and that my concentration often drifts off while I am performing routine tasks.

Several times a week, my wife drops me off at work on the way to her job and she either picks me up on the way home or I walk home from work myself. In either case it is a pretty safe way to go with minimal danger to myself or others. On Tuesday, however, I drive because it is the day I go grocery shopping for the week while my wife works late at her job. Today was Tuesday and I was driving.

I drove my small pickup and could not find parking along the street where I work. I had noticed a spot on the way, however and circled the block to get back to it. I pulled up to a red light and looked to take a right on the red. I did not see anyone on the sidewalk and looked left to check traffic. One car was turning left and another began to creep around his right to pass, and then put on his right turn signal and began to turn. Realizing that I was clear to turn, I started to turn the corner.

I guess I still had the sixth sense noting something wrong as I began to hit the brake even before I consciously saw the guy directly in front of me, leaping backward from my truck. The look of terror, rage and disgust on his face was sickening. I think only the fact that he could see the look of horror and fear on my face kept him from screaming at me and beating on my car. He merely glared at me and stalked away across the street. I turned the corner, parked the truck and just sat for a few minutes in a sort of shock. It has been a very long time since I have come that close to seriously harming another person.

It made me realize that I have been having more moments of inattention, loss of concentration and just drifting away. It has not happened very often when it mattered, but I have pulled up to a stoplight, then started across the intersection because I thought I was at a stop SIGN instead of a stop LIGHT. I have sat at a stop sign too long for exactly the opposite reason. This has not happened but a few times in the past six months, but as I rediscovered today, it only takes one time someone’s life can be ruined.

So be careful. Ask your friends and loved ones how they think you are doing. If necessary, stop doing some of the things that require more attention and energy than you can give. At the very least, make sure that you are feeling awake and alert and energetic before you start activities that can put you and others at risk.

I know that if I had hit that young man today both our lives could have been changed in a truly profound way. His through injury and all its consequences and mine because regardless of the legal ramifications, I would never have been able to forgive myself if I had badly hurt him.